When my mother’s high school boyfriend sent me a love poem.

pizzarulez:

Once in a great while, when I’m having a bad day and can’t manage to giggle uncontrollably at rude internet comments like I normally do, I look back at something that took me longer than an hour to write and feel OK. I wrote this in my last year of college, as a part of a project to construct a narrative of my mother’s life when she was about my age.

All of it is true. 

***

On Valentine’s Day 2011, my mother’s high school boyfriend sent me a love poem.

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Edits I’m Making To A Friend’s Script Right Now

Like maybe [redacted] said a bunch of shit to him about setting him up with a job and hot lady ski instructors but now it’s all bullshit to maybe [other redacted] is gonna leave the next flight out (which is in a few days cuz PBBTH) but decides to stay but also maybe this is bullshit?

This is the Bukowski shit to do now. Drink cheap beer and blog after 9pm. It helps if you wear a collared shirt, I think. The higher it’s buttoned, the more power you have. The Hip Ones have discovered this, and soon they will be unstoppable. All Hail Kromdor The Dark Lord. 

I have enough detritus to be good at blogging [what]. My laptop rests on a table of good detritus. A good mix of caffeine-loaded mugs [drained] next to empties [depressants, it’s juxtaposition, you see.] I think all the empties are mine. At least the empties on this table. There’s some elderberry cider bullshit on the kitchen counter, I have no idea whose bullshit that is*

Rap game disheveled queer in a wrinkled shirt from H&M my collar is not buttoned high enough I do not have enough power how will I ever form the megazord

BUKOWSKI THOMPSON KESEY KEROUAC HEMMINGWAY, ASSEMBLE

Rap Game Straight White Male American Author Megazord  [In this case Fitzgerald is the Green Ranger, over-sensitive but with a megazord all his own] [Then Rita Repulsa as played by Baz Lurhman KILLS HIM WITH A LASER]

Also I want to trade out one of those dudes for Faulkner; he and Hemmingway would be the white/red rangers, fighting over power and what vocabulary with which to address the American public.

Anyway, back to this beer. I bought a $4 sweater today, rap game john fucking cusack— who is the John Cusack of rappers, scrawled in red spray paint across the back of a Unitarian church, local paper prints the story on page 7 and starts a two month long battle in the “letters to the editor” section. They do not come to a decision,

I am reading a book about the chupacabra. My friends recently broke it to me that “you kind of dress like a pimp” and “nah, wait, I thought that was on purpose” and “I mean I wish I dressed like a pimp” “but I’d have a cane, you know?”

Gunned for Bukowski, landed at Kinda Like A Pimp.** 

*What the fuck is an elderberry— does that exist outside of RPGs? It must, right? Why does the word “elderberry” make me think about witches?

** “Like a pimp in Starsky and Hutch” “I mean Huggy Bear was the best character”