Comedian, writer, pseudo-journalist. Social media manager for a New York chunk of Planned Parenthood.
I apologize in advance.
@2 weeks ago with 10 notes
Once in a great while, when I’m having a bad day and can’t manage to giggle uncontrollably at rude internet comments like I normally do, I look back at something that took me longer than an hour to write and feel OK. I wrote this in my last year of college, as a part of a project to construct a narrative of my mother’s life when she was about my age.
All of it is true.
On Valentine’s Day 2011, my mother’s high school boyfriend sent me a love poem.
Like maybe [redacted] said a bunch of shit to him about setting him up with a job and hot lady ski instructors but now it’s all bullshit to maybe [other redacted] is gonna leave the next flight out (which is in a few days cuz PBBTH) but decides to stay but also maybe this is bullshit?@2 weeks ago with 1 note
This is the Bukowski shit to do now. Drink cheap beer and blog after 9pm. It helps if you wear a collared shirt, I think. The higher it’s buttoned, the more power you have. The Hip Ones have discovered this, and soon they will be unstoppable. All Hail Kromdor The Dark Lord.
I have enough detritus to be good at blogging [what]. My laptop rests on a table of good detritus. A good mix of caffeine-loaded mugs [drained] next to empties [depressants, it’s juxtaposition, you see.] I think all the empties are mine. At least the empties on this table. There’s some elderberry cider bullshit on the kitchen counter, I have no idea whose bullshit that is*
Rap game disheveled queer in a wrinkled shirt from H&M my collar is not buttoned high enough I do not have enough power how will I ever form the megazord
BUKOWSKI THOMPSON KESEY KEROUAC HEMMINGWAY, ASSEMBLE
Rap Game Straight White Male American Author Megazord [In this case Fitzgerald is the Green Ranger, over-sensitive but with a megazord all his own] [Then Rita Repulsa as played by Baz Lurhman KILLS HIM WITH A LASER]
Also I want to trade out one of those dudes for Faulkner; he and Hemmingway would be the white/red rangers, fighting over power and what vocabulary with which to address the American public.
Anyway, back to this beer. I bought a $4 sweater today, rap game john fucking cusack— who is the John Cusack of rappers, scrawled in red spray paint across the back of a Unitarian church, local paper prints the story on page 7 and starts a two month long battle in the “letters to the editor” section. They do not come to a decision,
I am reading a book about the chupacabra. My friends recently broke it to me that “you kind of dress like a pimp” and “nah, wait, I thought that was on purpose” and “I mean I wish I dressed like a pimp” “but I’d have a cane, you know?”
Gunned for Bukowski, landed at Kinda Like A Pimp.**
*What the fuck is an elderberry— does that exist outside of RPGs? It must, right? Why does the word “elderberry” make me think about witches?
** “Like a pimp in Starsky and Hutch” “I mean Huggy Bear was the best character”@2 weeks ago with 2 notes